


"You have to think of the family ...

by CookieDoughMe



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Angst to Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, High School, M/M, Nathan's POV, Nuke - Freeform, References to Homophobia, Sappy Ending, This is probably unrealistic with regards to prom/college selection timelines but … idk - humour me?, unfounded fears, wuornoses - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-10-03 17:12:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20404753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CookieDoughMe/pseuds/CookieDoughMe
Summary: ... But you also have to think of yourself."  - This is a quote from the movie Divergent, when a teenager is faced with a choice which gives them the opportunity to live the life they want, and the possibility of hurting their parents in the process.





	1. The Question

It was a stolen moment between classes, as precious - and as secret - as every other stolen moment they'd had. They kissed lazily, a hand resting on a waist or a jaw, no other destination in mind. The door of the storage closet was bolted behind them, having been unlocked with the key Duke had swiped from the janitor and which Nathan pretended he didn't know about.

They broke out of the kiss and Nathan tucked a strand of Duke's hair behind his ear. Suddenly, and all in a rush as though he had been keeping it inside for a long time, Duke asked, "Would you go to prom with me?"

Nathan's surprise registered on his face before he spoke. "Duke, I… How can I? My Dad would kill me," he said flatly.

"So?" Duke asked, annoyed. "Are you going to hide forever? This is the time. If you're ever going to … Prom is the time."

Nathan stepped back, ran his hand through his hair. "Duke I don't think you understand what you're asking. He would… He'd _disown_ me. His son, his _only_ son, gay? And flaunting it in public, _with a_ _Crocker_?" Images ran through Nathan's head, one possibility after another; his father shouting at him, outraged at his sexuality and the implicit attack on his masculinity; his father disappointed in him, confused that he could do such a thing with a Crocker; his father sad and upset about what the town would think of the Chief of Police's son with someone from a family with a well known criminal history. 

Duke shook his head, "I don't think you understand what  _ I'm _ asking. We shouldn't have to hide. So what if we get in trouble?"

"It's not even …" Nathan's voice started to rise but he bit it back and started again more slowly. "It's not even a case of just getting in trouble, I mean, the school is one thing. But Dad - he's barely been tolerating my presence at all since Mom died. This … " Nathan's voice cracked on the fear of what could happen if he gave his father a reason to give up on him, "... this would be it, this would be the final straw. No coming back from that. He's the only family I have - I'm the only family he has, think about what you're asking of me."

The lack of surprise in Duke's expression suggested that he had in fact thought carefully about this already. The pain on his face shifted into a tight smile, but the part that was to really stick in Nathan's mind was the love that was on show on Duke's face at the same time as he said, "It's OK. I won't make you choose." He squeezed Nathan's arm briefly and turned to leave. "See you tomorrow," he said softly as he left.

Nathan watched him go, wondering at the unfairness of a world that meant Duke was at his most beautiful when his heart was breaking, and hating himself for how he had found that out.

What he'd said was true though. For the two of them to walk into prom, hand in hand or arm in arm, for them to dance together in full view of everyone; it was a huge ask. Him and Duke had always been friends, and they had been fooling around together for a long time, but they had always kept it secret without even discussing it because it seemed clear to both of them that pretty much everyone they knew would find the relationship controversial for one reason or another; whether because they were both boys, whether because one was a Wuornos and one a Crocker, whether because one was from a so-called respectable family and good part of town and one … wasn't, or whether because one was managing a good grade point average and on track for college and one was a drop out who knew what the inside of the police station looked like for entirely different reasons than his father working there. It felt like everyone would have an opinion on it and none of them would be good.

Nathan was not keen on being the centre of attention for any reason. And now he couldn't help but imagine the scene at prom if him and Duke took to the dance floor together; every other dancing couple coming to a stop, every pair of eyes turning towards them, jaws hanging open in surprise or foreheads furrowed in anger. It made his heart thud unpleasantly in his chest just thinking about the possibilities. And then the gossip spreading at lightspeed not only through the room itself but beyond that to the whole town. He could easily imagine his father knowing about it before the song was even finished; wouldn't be surprised if that meant the locks were changed before he got home.

"Think what you're asking of me Duke," he muttered to the empty room.


	2. Prom

Prom came around and Nathan stood in a room full of awkward teenagers, feeling awkward himself in a suit that was not quite long enough for his arms as he watched the dancefloor aimlessly. There was another level of awkwardness added in the fact of being here with Hannah Driscoll. They were friends, she'd suggested it one day, half serious; he had followed through on it and here they were. But it didn't feel like a date.

Nathan turned towards Hannah. "Can I ask you something?" he asked her. "It's OK if … whatever the answer, I don't mind."

"Intriguing," said Hannah with a smile. "OK."

"Did you come with me tonight just to annoy your father?"

She studied his face for a moment as she thought about her answer. "Not _ just _ to annoy him," she said. "But … yeah kinda."

Nathan nodded, he wasn't upset. Hannah's father was the Reverend Driscoll and the whole town knew him as the kind of holy man more focused on vengeance than forgiveness. He was also the kind of man who was not keen on his daughter going on a date with anyone, let alone the son of the Chief of Police who he often butted heads with in some way or another.

"Can I ask you something?" she said, looking from him over to the dancefloor. Nathan followed her gaze and saw Duke standing there, bottle of beer in his hand. "Did you come here with me tonight in an effort not to annoy your father?"

Nathan watched Duke for a moment before he turned back to Hannah and quoted her own answer back to her. "Not _ just _ because of Dad," he said. "But yeah, kinda." For all that the Chief was no fan of the Driscoll's in general, he had enough sense to see that Hannah was not much like her father, and though he was not likely to actively cheer them on, equally Nathan was not going to actually get in trouble for a single date (and one he had shown no particular degree of enthusiasm for) with a polite and pleasant girl with plans for college and a promising future ahead of her. He was not likely to get anything like the level of reaction from his father to a date with Hannah Driscoll as he would for a date with Duke Crocker.

Hannah nodded in understanding and then nodded her head back towards where Duke was standing on his own, watching the dancefloor as aimlessly as Nathan had been. "So the question you have to ask yourself is, are you really going to let your father make all your decisions for you?" she asked.

Nathan followed her gaze for a moment then turned back to her. Was he? Should he? Could he? This was the question he had been asking himself for weeks. But he realised he was softly shaking his head, and that hearing someone else ask the question of him had somehow made the answer became clear. He bent down and pressed a soft kiss to Hannah's cheek. "Thanks," he said as he squeezed her arm.

She smiled. "Go get him," she said, and pushed him gently in the direction of the dancefloor.

As Nathan walked from one side of the room to the other, he weaved his way between dancing couples, and blinked in the face of the flashing lights that swept over him. Through the shifting crowd he caught a glimpse of Duke watching him with the softest mix of fondness and sadness on show on his face. It seemed like Duke was a long way away and Nathan carried on working his way through the crowd, wondering how it could possibly take so long to get across a single room. It was hot in here and loud but the beat of the music barely registered in his awareness; there was too much competition from the louder beat of his heart inside his chest. 

For a moment he lost sight of Duke between the dancing couples that intermittently blocked his view. Duke had moved and Nathan was briefly afraid that he might have left, or found someone else to spend his evening with. But then he stepped out of the crowd and there Duke was. He was nearer the door and he had lost the drink he'd been holding; possibly he was on his way out. The thought of Duke leaving made Nathan's heart thud even harder, even as Duke saw him there and turned in his direction. Duke smiled softly at him but even though there was not much distance between them, Duke didn't seem to expect conversation; it was a smile in acknowledgement, a passing greeting, not the beginning of something.

So as Nathan stepped closer and it became clear he was walking right up to him, the look on Duke's face went through a dramatic change; surprise, wariness, a flash of hope. And then a certain kind of resigned acceptance that weighed heavily on Nathan's heart. Just like the journey across the dance floor, the last few steps up to where Duke stood seemed to take forever.

Duke was wearing what Nathan was pretty sure was the cheapest suit available in town, but on Duke Crocker it somehow just … _ worked _ . His hair was tied back in a low ponytail with a few loose strands hanging around his face. His tie was undone along with the top few buttons on his shirt, the smooth skin of his chest on show and the tie pointing down his body past his belt to his … Nathan pulled his eyes back up to Duke's face, hoping that the lighting in here meant that no one would notice the blush colouring his cheeks. Duke stood with his hands in his pockets and his posture was somehow screaming two contradictory things to the room at once; both _ I don't give a fuck about any of this _ , and, _ Come on then fight me why don't you. _

Nathan knew him well enough though to look past Duke's stance to the expression on his face; added to the wariness was now a touch of concern, and confusion as to why Nathan would leave his date, wondering if something was wrong. Mixed in with it too was affection still, and enough openness that Nathan knew even if he'd been coming over here to ask for advice about his 'date' with Hannah, Duke would have listened and tried to help. After everything he'd said to Duke, the realisation he would still be there for him made Nathan's heart ache.

But he finally made it through the last few steps to stand in front of Duke. He became aware that the level of the music was fading; it was the end of the song. In the moment of quiet before the next one started, Nathan held out his hand. "Would you d-do me the honour of this dance?" he asked, stumbling a little over his nerves. 

For a moment Duke didn't react at all. Nathan just stood there, his hand reached out; he couldn't really blame Duke if the answer was no, but he didn't know how else he could ask. Then it hit Duke that Nathan was serious; he saw the moment it hit home and Duke's expression collapsed in on itself just a little. "Are you sure?" he asked, his voice small enough that as the next song started Nathan followed the sentence more through the shape of Duke's mouth than by hearing the words.

There were a thousand different ways Nathan could have answered that; _ I'm sorry it took me so long to work it out _ , or _ I don't care what my father thinks _ , or _ I don't care what anyone thinks but you _. All he actually said was a firm, "Yes," trusting that Duke knew him well enough to see that it was true.

From the look on Duke's face it seemed that he did. Duke opened his mouth to speak but didn't seem to know what to say.

So Nathan reached down and took Duke's hand, and Duke let himself be led over to the edge of the dancefloor. The specific song still didn't register for Nathan, just the fact that it was slow enough that the room was still filled with other couples, swaying with the music; that was all he needed.

Nathan put his hands on Duke's hips, Duke rested his hands on Nathan's back and they started to sway with the music. It was nice to be stood here with Duke, dancing with him, moving together under the wash of shifting lights. Nathan risked a quick glance around them. There were a few people staring, and some of those stares were accompanied by frowns, but it wasn't as bad as he'd feared. He realised suddenly that most people were more interested in their own evening and their own dances than in his. A rush of embarrassed heat hit his face as it occurred to him that perhaps it had been a little too arrogant and self-centred to assume that everyone else's evening would come to a crashing halt just because of what he chose to do with his. They were only one dancing couple among many after all and everyone else had their own lives to think about. It was even possible his father wouldn't find out tonight. And even if he did, and even if his reaction did turn out to be as bad as Nathan feared, well, he thought as he felt Duke's body against his, maybe there were worse things to lose.

"I'm sorry," Nathan said. "We should have come here together."

Duke smiled softly at him, affection mixed in with just a little sadness. "What about Hannah?" Duke asked suddenly. Had he looked over to the far edge of the dancefloor at that moment, he would have seen her watching them with a grin. But his eyes were locked on Nathan.

"She only came with me to annoy her father," replied Nathan. 

"Ah," said Duke in understanding; the ongoing animosity between the Rev. and the Chief of Police was no secret.

"I only came with her because I … was scared," Nathan admitted after a moment.

"And now?" Duke asked.

"I'm still scared," Nathan acknowledged. "But … when I think of letting you go; that scares me more. Whatever my father thinks of me it's not worth hurting you over. If I have to choose … if he makes me choose, I choose you."

Duke grinned at him and Nathan saw hope that it wouldn't actually come to that, but mostly appreciation at the statement, warmth flooding through those soft brown eyes.

Nathan felt the thud of his heart relax a little as he realised there was something else he needed to say; something he had never said before. “I love you.”

Duke beamed a smile at him bright enough to compete with the lights dancing over them. “I love you too,” he said and gripped Nathan's back just a little harder. 

Nathan glanced quickly around them again. Most of the people who'd been staring had gone back to their own dances. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as he'd feared at all.

“Whatever happens,” Duke told him, “We’ll be OK.”

Nathan nodded and as he did, he realised something else; Duke was right.

Duke leant forward, tilted his head just a little; it was a suggestion of a kiss but he was giving Nathan the option to ignore it. Nathan appreciated being given the choice to lean into it or pull away, but he was done pulling away from Duke; he had no intention of ever doing something so foolish again. Nathan leant forward to meet him and kissed him slow but deep. They stayed there for the rest of the evening, alternately kissing and grinning at each other, moving slowly with the changing music as the collection of other couples shifted around them, holding their bodies close and occasionally whispering in each other's ears the kinds of things they might like to do if they could get some time alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally where this ended, but I couldn’t leave it there, with the question of Garland’s reaction unanswered, so click on for a little epilogue.


	3. Epilogue

The dance continued around them and while the gossip about them spread and mutated in the lifecycle of gossip everywhere, in the end they were only one of many stories that night, and Haven was full of old family rivalries and ongoing arguments that meant half the couples in the room were controversial to someone or another. The Chief of Police found out about his son's change of date the next day, when Hannah Driscoll came to warn him that her father was likely to attack him in some way or another over the story of Nathan leaving his daughter mid-date, and to explain to the Chief that was not really how it had happened at all (and to also mention how nervous his son had been walking over to ask Duke to dance). 

Garland was grateful for the warning that allowed him to fend of the Reverend's inflated accusations, and Nathan was surprised when the Chief told him that evening that Hannah (a Driscoll!) was the kind of good friend he should make sure to keep in touch with when they both went off to college. 

Garland was grateful too for the insight into his son's evening (his son's life) and if Nathan had been surprised by the comment about Hannah, he was surprised even more the next week when his father asked after Duke (a Crocker!) and gave him suggestions for colleges that were far enough away to involve him leaving home, but still close enough to Haven to make coming back at the weekends to see 'old friends' easy enough.

As Garland clapped him on the shoulder and left him with the college brochures to look at, Nathan had another realisation; that Garland was trying. And more than that, had in fact been trying all along. Their relationship had never been easy. His father, he suspected, would never had been an emotionally-demonstrative man under any circumstances and on top of that he had been brought up to hold his emotions in check, to never show a crack of weakness. And then his wife had died and he had tried to contain his grief not only out of his own learned habit but possibly also because it was the only way he knew how to interact with his son, how to show him that life went on. In short it hit home for Nathan all of a sudden with that one little gesture, how much his father had struggled with being a single parent, with being a widower, with … maybe just with life in general. Maybe this man that Nathan had looked up to so much when he was small, was in actual fact just human after all. 

For a moment Nathan was consumed with guilt and regret that he had not worked this out sooner but then it occurred to him that the same thing was true for himself; he was only human too. Both of them had struggled with the death of the woman they loved, and neither of them had known how to talk to the other about it. And no doubt that was a shame, but in the end it just made the both of them human. Just as perfectly imperfect, and as beautifully flawed as every other person out there.

Nathan picked up the college brochures and looked most carefully at the ones nearest home. For the longest time, the biggest attraction to going to college had been the idea of moving as far away from Haven (from his father) as possible. But now, he thought, maybe it would be nice to stay a little closer to home; for lots of reasons. And he read through the brochures as he pondered the beauty of humanity; to struggle and yet still to try.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you're glad you did then any kind of positive comment is always very welcome :)


End file.
